I just want to make amends with the girl in the mirror

it’s always one look,
one day where I look in the mirror a little
too long
and then I look
too close
at one of those spots
or scars
or lines.
I used
to try
to tear them out.

so I decided I would be beautiful
and that this would be it.
now, the girl in the mirror was confident,
and free.
she was on top of the goddamn world.
she didn’t care
that the girls on the TV
are white
and fit
and tall,
but I do care
and indeed they are.
I was cruel
to the girl in the mirror,
so she left.
I guess even this god-like woman,
she fractures
under my vicious glower.

she’s been replaced
by the neurotic little girl
that lived there for so long.
I know the woman will come back,
maybe she just needed some time
to forgive me.

I wish
the girl
and the woman
and I
could make amends.

if only we didn’t all hate each other so much.