fuel for my pyre

I think I’ve been lying to myself
telling myself
I’m getting somewhere
well, I
woke up drenched in sweat again
my heart beating out of my chest
for things I truly thought
I was better than

all the things that were supposed to make me happy
are just waiting
for me to begin crumbling
upon the weight of them

oh, to look at a beautiful thing
and be caught up in the broken edges of it.
could I ever hope for anything other
than fuel
for this sad little heart of mine